This straightforward query will show you how to really love your self.
Yearly, I set a tenet to dwell by for the subsequent twelve months.
Final yr, I selected self-love.
“Love your self first and the whole lot else falls into line. You actually have to like your self to get something finished on this world.” – Lucille Ball
Earlier than my experiment, I’d not have understood this quote. Right this moment, I consider these are a few of the truest phrases ever spoken.
However let’s rewind.
In the beginning of final yr, I noticed I had unhealthy behaviors and was in unhealthy relationships as a result of I chased exterior validation and love.
- I beat myself up for my errors
- I coped with self-medication and social media
- I didn’t categorical my wants as a result of I believed they didn’t matter
- I had low self-worth and compensated by working my ass off
- I tolerated disrespect from others as a result of I used to be afraid of dropping them
Then, I noticed a video by Teal Swan that recommended a easy experiment.
“For 12 months, ask your self ‘what would somebody who really loves themselves do?’ and try this.”
It was a superb begin, however I didn’t cease there.
Over twelve months, I dove deep into the subject of self-love and what it means to like your self unconditionally.
The outcomes have been mind-blowing – higher relationships, quicker enterprise progress, and a deep feeling of inside peace.
Whereas the journey wasn’t straightforward, it turned my life the wrong way up in so some ways.
Simply Ask Your self The Query
It appears straightforward – “What would somebody who really loves themselves do?”
That individual wouldn’t:
- Keep up scrolling social media till the wee hours – they’d somewhat spend the time doing one thing that serves them
- Beat themselves up for errors – they’d be compassionate and be taught to do higher subsequent time
- Stick with individuals who don’t respect and admire them – they’d have the braveness to chop off these relationships and create higher ones
Asking myself felt uncomfortable at first, which was a real signal that I had starved myself of the love I wanted.
In some conditions, I didn’t even know what to do, so I did what Swan’s video recommended:
“Simply really feel into it – do what feels good intuitively.”
See, the thoughts is excellent at rationalizing issues. The ego tells tales to maintain you in previous patterns as a result of they really feel protected. However your intuitive feeling?
It’s at all times proper.
You know already that social media, self-loathing, and poisonous folks aren’t good for you.
You simply must act on it.
Asking this query is sort of a self-improvement sledgehammer – it hits arduous and produces large outcomes.
There was no manner out, no explaining, and no excuses after I requested it. I needed to make a basic selection – love myself or not.
I selected – and my behaviors, ideas, and relationships modified shortly.
However I knew I wasn’t finished.
The Three Pillars Of True Self-Love
Like for most individuals, self-love was an airy-fairy idea at first.
Asking myself the query made it extra tangible, however I used to be nonetheless confused – what was self-love? How do you describe it? Grasp it? Clarify it? Dwell by it?
I dug deep – books, movies, speeches, mentors, non secular guides, Ayahuasca ceremonies, and the occasional discuss with voodoo monks.
Ultimately, I got here up with three tangible pillars I may dwell by.
Pillar #1: Self-appreciation
I’m a “push more durable” type of man.
I’ve labored for 21 days with out a break, hit the fitness center for 30, and achieved 300+ day meditation streaks.
I’ve constructed a enterprise from scratch, stepped on stage in a bodybuilding competitors, and lived on 5 continents.
Not dangerous for 3 a long time on this planet – however one factor was lacking.
I not often appreciated myself for what I did.
I merely pushed more durable as a result of I felt like I used to be by no means sufficient.
If you don’t admire your efforts, you burn out. It’s like climbing a mountain and as a substitute of having fun with the view, you run down the opposite aspect to sort out the subsequent peak immediately. You connect your self-worth to your achievements.
So I compelled myself to decelerate just a little. As an alternative of simply journaling about my errors, I additionally recorded the efforts I used to be pleased with. I paused to take a deep breath and provides myself a pat on the shoulder.
And it felt unbelievable.
It helped me understand how nice I used to be – not in an boastful, ego-driven manner, however somewhat from a spot of compassion and “you’ve finished nicely.”
“Self-appreciation is the muse of self-love.” – Amy Leigh Mercree
For the primary time, I noticed myself as worthy of reward.
For the primary time, I gave myself the love I had chased for therefore lengthy.
For the primary time in ages, I appreciated all of the arduous work my physique, thoughts, and spirit had put into my life.
Respect your self – you’ve earned it.
Pillar #2: Self-respect
There’s nothing extra essential to me than respect.
I don’t thoughts if folks don’t like me, ladies don’t love me, or my dad and mom are upset – so long as they respect me.
It hurts when somebody crosses that line. I eliminated associates and companions from my life due to it. But, I saved operating into the identical battle of individuals disrespecting me.
They saved displaying up late, mendacity, and taking me with no consideration.
I didn’t know why till I took a protracted, arduous have a look at myself and realized they have been merely a mirror of my inside world.
I made empty guarantees to myself – “I gained’t keep up late/scroll social media/watch porn once more.” I didn’t maintain myself accountable. I lacked integrity and self-respect.
So I began with that – preserving guarantees, drawing boundaries, and holding myself to the next commonplace.
It didn’t take lengthy for the outcomes to point out on the surface, as nicely.
“Respect your self and others will respect you.” – Confucius
I left the relationships the place I wasn’t appreciated and began residing life on my phrases.
Was it scary to attract these boundaries and let go of purchasers, associates, and companions? Sure.
Was it price it? Additionally sure, massive time.
Respect your self and life will begin respecting you, too.
Pillar #3: Self-acceptance
This was the toughest half out of the three.
Why?
As a result of it compelled me to dive deep into my shadow and the whole lot I had buried at nighttime.
All of us have components we don’t like about ourselves. Issues we disguise as a result of we don’t need others to learn about it. Stuff that we’re ashamed of.
However you can’t love your self for those who don’t settle for your self totally.
You’ll endlessly faux to be another person – a faux model of your self.
As an alternative of appearing like somebody I wasn’t, I confronted the reality.
It was robust at first as a result of I compelled myself to have a look at all of the components I didn’t like. The errors I made, the trauma I carried, and the insecurities I had.
However step-by-step, I obtained higher at going through the ache, disappointment, and disappointment I had buried.
Step-by-step, I cleared out my basement.
And step-by-step, I realized to fulfill these components of myself with love.
“To be your self in a world that’s always attempting to make you one thing else is the best accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I ended being depending on others’ validation and stopped appearing like somebody I wasn’t. As an alternative, I embraced myself totally.
This helped me to lastly entice the individuals who have been a superb match and to maneuver my enterprise ahead in a course I used to be really aligned with.
On the finish of the day, I may have a look at myself within the mirror and love the true me.
Your genuine self is the place your true energy lies – so shine mild on the shadow.
These Had been The Largest Classes I Discovered
This experiment was one of the crucial highly effective ones I ever did.
It took the whole lot I may give – and I realized a lot in return.
- Self-love is the idea for the whole lot.
All you’ve been searching for – success, a house and loving household, feeling good about your self, and being the most effective man you’ll be able to – they begin right here. - You possibly can solely love others as you’re keen on your self.
This was the scariest perception I had. Should you don’t love your self, you’ll be able to’t love others. Should you love your self conditionally, that’s how you’ll love others. The identical is true the opposite manner round. - All the things begins with you.
There’s good and dangerous information about self-love. The dangerous information is, you’re the one one who can do it. The excellent news is, no one can cease you from displaying up for your self. So begin with you and the whole lot else will comply with.
I by no means thought this yr would change me a lot, but it surely did.
I’ve chased somebody who was unavailable for 2 years – that may by no means occur once more.
I’ve tolerated disrespect as a result of I used to be afraid of dropping folks – that may by no means occur once more.
I’ve pretended to be somebody I wasn’t and denied my true self appreciation, respect, and acceptance – that may by no means occur once more, both.
Life’s rather a lot higher right this moment. I’m at peace. I like myself – really, authentically, as I’m.
And you will get there, too.
Simply ask your self:
“What would somebody who really loves themselves do?”
